Safe Space 4 Sloey

When the kids and I came to Idaho back in June.  I intended to see my brother, and his family and use the time to get clean.  Detoxing of Fentanyl is no walk in the park.  Never expected to stay here this long.  Never once did I think that we would be living here.  Never did I think that I wouldn’t have done what I wanted to do a week after getting here.

Knowing what i have recorded made it very important that I get the audio recordings looked at.  For years now I have had everyone tell me that I am crazy and none of this is real.  None of the things I think happened or think I have recorded is real.  My brother, his wife, my mom, my step dad, my dad, my ex and her son have all spent alot of time telling me that i am crazy.  Its hard to accept reality for what it is in situations like that.  That same struggle is still here even for much different reasons. 

About a week after getting to Idaho my Dad took off.  Taking with him, the keys to my truck.  It wasn’t until after I said what I had planned that this whole event went down.  I planned to sell my truck.  Use the money from the truck to head to Arizona where I could have the recordings either confirmed to be real or not.  This was the first red flag.  Over time I have come to realize that reacting to every red flag puts the apps on high alert.  That or my overreaction is used against me.  In the sense the reaction is used behind my back to change how people view and think of me….crazy…  All i could do was store that red flag in the memory bank. 

Once I felt good enough and realized going back to Spokane wasn’t an option or a good idea.  I got a job in Plummer, ID at the Quikstop.  That hiring led to the second big red flag.  My shifts were Mon-Fri 3-9.  Meaning I would only see my kids in the mornings.  After a few weeks of working.  It was very apparent that every single parenting decision during the week was not being run by me.  Instantly I was reminded of how things were back in Spokane.  How it felt like there was someone else trying to run my home from the shadows.  Trying to parent or trying to assert my established rules back into my children.  Was always met combatively.  The interrupting me when I would interact with the kids started to happen every time.  I’ve already talked about the clothes shopping and other things that could be considered red flags. 

About a month after I started working at the gas station there was a huge red flag.  Something to do with a game of hide and seek, my son and Gary (step-dad).  Up until this event Gary and my mom fought over him drinking whiskey.  Before I forget.  This incident happened while it was just him and the kids.  Anyways, he quit drinking whiskey that day.  Still hasn’t touched it.  My Mom was very adamant after that day to not leave the kids alone with him.  Which came as a shock to me.  The cops were notified about this incident.  So was the crisis center.  Where I stayed a night after the cops were called on me.  All I did was ask Gary if he was a pedophile and he got in my face.  Somehow he felt threatened by me. 

This little tidbit might be important.  After getting here in June.  One of the parents received a phone call about the death of a “close” family friend.  I will leave his name out of this.  Turns out that he shot himself as his property was being raided by the authorities.  From what I have heard and what I understand to be true.  There was child pornography found on hard drives somewhere on his property.  This guy was a long-time “best friend” of Gary. 

The news came as a shock.  It was hard to imagine that somebody I knew and hung out with.  Even called a friend at one time could have such a dark secret.  The scariest part of this whole situation is that Gary is a retired teacher.  Something like 24 years spent teaching in a Spokane elementary school.  His reaction to me asking if he was a pedophile never sat well with me.  His eyes were welled up like he was fighting back tears.  Also he got up out of his chair faster than I have seen him do in years.  There were many times I was asked by him to help him get up but this time he had no problem getting up to get in my face.

After that incident.  Things got very stressful for me.  It was hard to eat because I thought things were being put in my food.  Seeing leftovers go untouched in the fridge.  Mixed with chest pains after every cup of coffee I drank in the morning.  Made it justifiable for me to try and open up a dialogue about my concerns.  Each time, I tried I was met with combative responses from both Gary and my mom.  It didn’t take long for the cops to get called.  A mental health evaluation was requested by my mom.  I willingly went and had it done.  It was decided by the professionals that I didn’t need to be admitted anywhere for 3 days.  Not sure if i have discussed this already but getting home from that was an adventure.  A not fun one.

After all, passing the mental health evaluation.  The cops were called 8-10 more times trying to get me arrested.  Why was there such an effort being made to remove me from the kids?  Even now, the kids can’t get a ride to the bus stop unless I don’t go.